My writing is my therapy, My dreams are my reason,My ghost is my sanity, My music is my Love, My Prayer is My life.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
I have not been writing much because I have not been feeling myself. This is not out of the ordinary for me but for some reason I finally decided to see a doctor...after a couple of weeks of going from one doctors office to another...I finally got a diagnosis...I can not say I was surprised but it still hit me kind of hard when I was told I might need to start taking anti-depressants for my clinical depression as well as attend counseling. I am looking at this doctor and thinking to myself...I am a grown almost 25 year old African woman, had my ups and downs, yes, but not anything out of the ordinary...I can easily say I have seen people around me struggle even more than I have too and yet my life has come to this. I keep asking myself why I can not practice what I preach. I am one of those people who can give an amazing pep talk. ..but can not work things out myself. The few times I try to open up I can not seem to express exactly what is on my mind...I convinced myself that I just had bad cases of PMS...but it went beyond that. I have days when I just can not stop crying and just stay in bed...but I have the greatest skills at putting on a happy face...I seem to be failing at that too of recent. I am losing my mind, I have days filled with suicidal thoughts and good days. What frustrates me the most is that I can not seem to figure out the root of my pain...well all my pain, I guess hence the therapy. I hope I did not get anybody low with all my bulls... I just need to write it out loud and see if maybe I could understand all this mambo jumbo in my head...alright now till I feel sane which could be sooner than later...peace and God Bless.
Funny things happen in this little city especially when our Kenyan relatives are involved but its all good. Its part of what makes the day a little more spicy.
This one guy drives up to Popeyes parks his car and walks up to the drive thru window. The lady behind the window of course looks at him like he has lost his mind. He gleefully orders a chesseburger and a large fries. The lady rolls her eyes and informs him that he has got to have a car to order at the window...he stands upright and proudly points out his parked Toyota...the impatient lady thinks he must be joking but my Kenyan bro was starting to think this lady is disrespecting him and in a true African style started to yell and holler causing quite a scene, it took quite a while and a couple of people to come him down but he still left in a rage claiming it is because he has an accent that he was not served.....What a day, what a day. lol
I wonder if y'all have heard of the damage the kenyan gals are doing in UG. Recently they had a Miss Kampala International University . The kenyan gals did their thing and have been doing so for the past three years. First was Carol Cope, then came Carol Wanza and the current Miss KIU is Elizabeth Wangai.
Go gals !!!!! show them what you are made of.
I just wish they had better pics online. Look them up when you get a chance. Later.
I was kind of excited on my way home from work, I think it is because I knew for once I was coming home to be by myself for a while....Just time to sit back and try and relax...I am in so much financial trouble...I'm in above my head...I plan to travel soon which is kind of risky considering my situation...nobody can understand what is going on in another persons mind...like I am going crazy and nobody around me seems to realize it. I need to get myself together, when I started to write today I was in a fabulous mood right now...I just do not care.
I remembered something my pastor said sometime back...
Ordinary people can do extraordinary things.
I remember things like this when I feel a little overwhelmed by things around me, really by life in general. I have always been a little shy, though not many people can tell because of the brave front I put on.
I must admit I am pretty good at that...A friend of mine once said you me a long time ago...If you can act out what you really want to be you can sometimes grow into it. So sometimes I act confident and for a couple of hours it works till I get into my room and there I can be my self...sounds complicated I know...I wonder whether it is just me with this weird complex.