My writing is my therapy, My dreams are my reason,My ghost is my sanity, My music is my Love, My Prayer is My life.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
I have not been writing much because I have not been feeling myself. This is not out of the ordinary for me but for some reason I finally decided to see a doctor...after a couple of weeks of going from one doctors office to another...I finally got a diagnosis...I can not say I was surprised but it still hit me kind of hard when I was told I might need to start taking anti-depressants for my clinical depression as well as attend counseling. I am looking at this doctor and thinking to myself...I am a grown almost 25 year old African woman, had my ups and downs, yes, but not anything out of the ordinary...I can easily say I have seen people around me struggle even more than I have too and yet my life has come to this. I keep asking myself why I can not practice what I preach. I am one of those people who can give an amazing pep talk. ..but can not work things out myself. The few times I try to open up I can not seem to express exactly what is on my mind...I convinced myself that I just had bad cases of PMS...but it went beyond that. I have days when I just can not stop crying and just stay in bed...but I have the greatest skills at putting on a happy face...I seem to be failing at that too of recent. I am losing my mind, I have days filled with suicidal thoughts and good days. What frustrates me the most is that I can not seem to figure out the root of my pain...well all my pain, I guess hence the therapy. I hope I did not get anybody low with all my bulls... I just need to write it out loud and see if maybe I could understand all this mambo jumbo in my head...alright now till I feel sane which could be sooner than later...peace and God Bless.